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Relationships have a way of bringing our most personal issues front and center.
What you may not know is that the issues we have in relationships can be the same issues that limit everything else. By following even the smallest relationship challenges into deeper territory, you can open a window into much greater potential.
Intimate relationships pack the biggest punch. When we choose someone to build our lives around, that person will usually have some fantastic qualities, as well as some that push all our buttons. When this happens, one partner is just being themselves with the best of intentions, but something about their behavior is triggering an exaggerated reaction in the other. Here’s an example…
Let’s say “he” is constantly making corrections to “her” daily habits. She takes that as criticism of herself as a person, and feels like no one will ever have confidence in her. She may blame him for her feelings, but chances are, his comments aren’t the first time she’s questioned herself. Her confidence may have been shaken in third grade when she had a hard time with her schoolwork, and his comments are only magnifying the pain that she still carries. In fact, it may have been affecting her career path or other aspects of life before she met him.
It’s surprising how easy these issues are to ignore or just survive until someone you love digs them up. The relationship somehow supercharges them and makes them harder to ignore. Here’s a different couple…
Let’s say “she” is outgoing and likes to share her thoughts about everything. If “he” is introverted, he may be comfortable just letting her have the spotlight. But eventually, when he finds it hard to get his words in edgewise, he may start to feel invisible. This might echo the domineering traits of his mother who had four other kids and was always busy trying to keep the family running smoothly. When he had trouble with siblings or kids in the neighborhood, she was too busy to support him, and he started to believe he was invisible. To deal with the pain, he may already eat food he doesn’t need, or drink too much beer.
No matter when we first notice them, these issues didn’t just start with the relationship. They usually have their roots in childhood somewhere, and they remind us of parents, siblings, or difficult experiences in the past. By using the emotional trigger from the relationship to reveal the deeper issue, we can heal it at the source and find a whole new kind of freedom.
And we definitely don’t need intimacy to find these issues…they can show up in all kinds of relationships.
The management style of your boss may trigger your resistance to authority or structure. Or maybe your colleagues bring your pet peeves to life.
People in your own family may have been pushing your buttons for decades, but in-laws can be surprisingly challenging as well. Raising kids can also reveal ripe material, and raising step-children or dealing with ex-spouses may be even more difficult.
The more people you interact with, the better chance your stuff will be triggered.
Use it! It’s a gold mine. And if it’s hard to see it on your own, let a professional help.
I recommend EFT as a powerful DIY tool to clear individual events in the past, and you can find out how in my EFT DIY blog. If you prefer the faster, more powerful results with a professional, you can explore My Approach or contact me for availability.